Hey Sunnies (we have never officially declared what followers of the “Suns” should be called, the floor is officially open for suggestions),
This is Chris writing to you all today. I thought I could update and possibly express a little emotion about what has been happening in my life lately. It has been a little bit of a learning experience for me as well and a complete lifestyle overhaul. I am still processing a lot of this and am really only now ready to talk about some of it. So here it goes.
About 5 years ago,(before I even heard of indie rock bands – I was raised classic) I was going through some changes and challenges and started developing panic attacks. If you have never had a panic attack, it is not a pleasant thing. The joke is “oh, im about to have a panic attack.” But that entire statement is completely inaccurate. Panic attacks almost feel as if you are having a mini heart attack. Your blood pressure and heart rate go crazy high and there is nothing you can do to calm yourself down. And in fact, they most of the time happen when you are completely relaxed. They are caused by a certain chemical build up in the brain (imagine boiling water, finally boiling over the top) until it releases. This was something I dealt with for a couple years, then completely went away.
Over the last year, I really havent felt myself lately. I cant really explain it, but I knew something just wasn’t right, do you know the feeling? On Aug 3rd, we had just got done eating dinner with some friends and I had a panic attack. I was terrified, I had forgotten the feeling. Terror. It was terrifying. Lisa, my wife, took me to the hospital for what I was sure was heart attack. I sat in the emergency room for about 4 hours, until 4am. Obviously I was not having a heart attack, just a severe panic attack. Countless test being conducted, different blood samples being taken. So much happened it was kind of a blur. I was so afraid for my wife, who sat by me all night, more scared than I was, I know. I cant write more about her being scared for me without getting upset, moving on.
I ended up staying in the hospital for about 50 hours, over the next couple days. The original reason being that they couldnt get my blood down to the lab quick enough before it hardened. Obvious red flag there. After more and more test, they discovered that I had a very high cholesterol level, high blood pressure, and was definitely battling some mental health issues including: anxiety, mild depression, and OCD. Each mental health situation is unique I found out and are dealt with accordingly. The biggest blow was they had told me that I was now a diabetic. Wow, a what? Does that mean I am afraid of spiders or something? I guess this wasnt a complete shock to me, my grandfather was diagnosed at age 45, my dad at age 35, and me, age 23. I guess I just didnt expect it coming so soon. A quick overview of diabetes, there are 2 types. Type 1, meaning that your body doesnt produce insulin (a hormone in the body that regulates your sugar levels) and you require shots or medicine to combat that. Or, type 2, your body is producing too much insulin and the effectiveness of it has become dull. I have type 2.
Yea, nothing says indie rock like diabetes right….right?
Needless to say, this has created an entire lifestyle change. For someone, who hasnt gone to the doctor in about 8 years, this is a lot to deal with. What does it mean, how do I live now? Does a lot change? How long do I need to take 9 pills each day? The biggest change was obviously my diet. I now have a strict diet that consist of 45g of carbs each meal, and 15g of carbs per snack ( 3 meals a day, 2 snacks a day). This was much harder to figure out then you would think. I originally thought, oh ok, no carbs, I just wont eat carbs. Nope, bad idea. I was later told by my nutritionist that carbs is what gives your body energy, probably explains how tired I was. To give you a reference, an average piece of bread has 15 carbs. A can of regular soda, 55. An apple, 25.
So a lot of changes. The emotional aspect of this has been kind of hard as well. There is a lot of things about my current situation that just bother me. If that makes sense. “I have to live like this for the rest of my life? I have a slight mental depression and OCD, do I put this on resumes now? Do people think of me differently because I have these physical and mental health problems?” And ultimately the question I have is “does it all matter?” I feel that I lately have had a new revelation and thought of “what was it on earth that is really that important that I am giving up? Blue ice cream from Kings Island? Soda? Beer?” It has really put a new perspective on life. That sounds silly, but its true. Giving up these simple, meaningless elements, has really opened my eyes to what I should have been really caring about all along. Both Tyler and Corey, my best friends, have been there for me the whole way. My community that I am involved in, constantly encouraging me. Lisa, my ultimate supporter, is going on this new journey as well.
As I said before, this is just the beginning. I feels good to write this and share with others. Feel free to contact me directly for questions.
Thank you all,
P.S. This song will pick you up no matter what mood you are in…just makes you want destroy something…The White Stripes…darn good…